"Best-of" Parenting Techniques Used by Parents of Children and Teens with ASD

Help for Meltdowns, Tantrums, Low-Frustration Tolerance, School-Related Behavior Problems, Sensory Sensitivities, Aggression, Social-Skills Deficits, and much more...

From the office of Mark Hutten, M.A.

Mark Hutten's Seminar on
Behavior Modification for Children
on the Autism Spectrum

Parents of a child with ASD Level 1 (Asperger’s or High-Functioning Autism) have tried very hard to understand how their child thinks, why he behaves in the manner he does, and what to do to meet his special needs. But sometimes parents are at a loss on what to do. This is where I can help.

As a parent-coach who works in the field of autism spectrum disorders, I’ve been helping parents, teachers, and even other therapists for over 20 years. And I’m going to share with you EVERY effective strategy that I’ve learned in that time period. And believe me, there was a lot of trial-and error along the way.

My goal is to help YOU to avoid re-inventing the wheel, and to save you from years of struggling to discover what works – and what doesn’t – when it comes to parenting a child with special needs.

Excerpts from the eBooks in the program I'm about to offer you:

Click ==> Understanding the Behavioral Problems Associated with High-Functioning Autism and Asperger's

Click ==> Not Understanding How the World Works

Click ==> Preferred and Non-preferred Activities

Does your child experience any of the following?

Anger control problems
Attention difficulties
Behavior problems at home or school
Difficulty calming down
Meltdowns
Shutdowns
Picky eating
Tantrums that seem to last for hours
Problems completing homework and school assignments
Rigidity in thought and behavior
Rituals and obsessions
School refusal
Sensory sensitivities
Sleep problems
Social skills deficits
Verbal or physical aggression

…just to name a few?

If so, then I’m sure you can benefit from my help.

No, I’m not a miracle worker. But you don’t need a miracle! All you need is this simple set of proven parenting techniques to use with children who have Asperger’s and High-Functioning Autism. And no, I'm not offering a complete cure for ALL behavior problems, and I'm not trying to claim that every single thing you'll ever need to help your child is in my program. But if you are looking for rock solid and proven solutions to a whole bunch of parenting-predicaments that come with raising a child on the spectrum, then I'm confident this will be your best purchase of the year.

==> Click here to get started

For many years now, I've been working with children and teens on the autism spectrum, their parents – and even their teachers. But I wanted to take it a step further. I wanted to reach out to parents worldwide over the Internet and help them discover that there really is light at the end of the tunnel. That’s when I created this online program.

You could – and may – spend the rest of the afternoon surfing and "researching" only to find that you've gained a wonderful knowledge of the problems associated with Asperger’s and High-Functioning Autism – but haven’t learned anything significant about what to do with the problems.

I'm tired of reading all the bad advice out there …I’m tired of seeing children on the autism spectrum struggle in life, both at home and school …and I’m tired of seeing parents chase their tails trying to figure out how to best help their child. I’m giving you the chance to break this cycle, and here’s how I’m going to do it:

In this program, you will receive my eBook, which comes in 4 parts...

Part 1: The Comprehensive Handbook on Parenting Children and Teens with High-Functioning Autism: There are hundreds of parenting strategies covered in this Handbook (240 pages in length) that will help you deal effectively with:

Sleep Problems
Picky Eating
Behavior Problems
School Refusal
School-Related Behavioral Problems
Rituals and Obsessions
Completing School Assignments On Time
Sensory Issues
Rigidity in Thought and Behavior
Language Difficulties
Attention Difficulties

And much more…

Part 2: How to Stop Meltdowns and Tantrums in Children with Asperger’s (AS) and High-Functioning Autism (HFA): In this section, you will learn how to handle situations in which your child becomes overwhelmed due to sensory-overload, low-frustration tolerance, and anxiety – all of which can result in a meltdown. You will also learn the specific techniques needed to deal with tantrums in children on the autism spectrum. And perhaps most importantly, you will learn to distinguish the difference between a meltdown and a tantrum, because the strategies needed for dealing with these two issues are completely different.

Part 3: Teaching Social Skills and Emotion Management to Children with Asperger’s (AS) and High-Functioning Autism (HFA): This section contains information on the following issues:

How to help your child control his “out-of-control” emotions
Using social stories to teach social skills
Social anxiety
Making and keeping friends
Communication skills
The “Loneliness Factor”
Coping with stress
Anger-Control contracts
Promoting “Social Reciprocity “
Backward Chaining: A cure for task-frustration
Eliminating thinking errors
Resistance to change

And much more…

Part 4: I’m also going to send you my audio book entitled "Unraveling the Mystery behind Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism": This audio book (2 hr. 30 min. in length) is designed to help parents understand every aspect of the disorder. The simple, yet highly effective strategies discussed will help parents cope with - and manage - their child’s behavioral and emotional needs. Drawing on case studies and personal accounts from extensive clinical experience, and from correspondence with children and teens on the spectrum, this audio book is both authoritative and extremely accessible. Some of the issues that will be discussed in the audio book include:

emotional problems and sensory sensitivities
difficulties with school-related skills
issues related to health and movement
social skills deficits
behavioral problems
deficits in linguistic and language development

Click ==> Listen to this excerpt from the audio book.

In addition to the audio book, you will also receive “Parenting Defiant Asperger's Teens,” which is a 45-minute audio recording of my workshop that has helped thousands of parents who have dealt with defiant, out-of-control teen behavior. Recorded during my LIVE presentation, this audio course will guide you through a series of parenting strategies that are specific to Asperger’s and High-Functioning Autism in adolescence. This information is empowering and has changed the lives of entire families across the globe.

But that’s not all, in addition to the 4-part eBook, the audio book, and the audio recording of my workshop, you will also have access to me, Mark Hutten, M.A., as your personal parent coach for one entire month. This coaching service costs others $49.00 – but with your purchase today, you get it for FREE.

==> Click here to get started

In a nutshell, Asperger’s and High-Functioning Autism are considered “disorders of social connectedness.” Children on the spectrum tend to be very hurt and frustrated by their lack of social competency. Their inability to “connect" to others is made worse by the negative feedback that they receive from their painful social interactions (e.g., bullying, teasing, rejection, etc.). The worse they perform socially, the more negative feedback they get from peers, so the worse they feel and perform. Due to this consistent negative social feedback, many of these children and teens feel depressed, anxious and angry, which just compounds their social difficulties by further paralyzing them in social situations.

More excerpts from the program...

Click ==> Obsessive-Compulsive Behaviors and Anxiety

Click ==> Black-and-White Thinking and Mindblindness

Click ==> Teaching Social Skills and Emotion Management

Click ==> Special Considerations for Teens on the Autism Spectrum

As the years go by, are you seeing your youngster rapidly becoming reduced to a person who is surviving on:

• Anger

• Being a mistake

• Anxiety

• Depression

• Isolation

• Low self-esteem

• Resentment

• Sadness

• Self-hate

If so, then alarm bells should be going off. You know changes need to happen!

If you’re struggling with many of the same issues that most of the other parents who land on this site are going through, then the problems at home and school are not getting better - they’re steadily getting worse. How much longer are you willing to wait? I'm guessing that you have already wasted too much time and energy trying to get some real solutions.

So, let’s summarize. In this program, you will receive:

The Comprehensive Handbook on Parenting Children on the Autism Spectrum
How to Stop Meltdowns and Tantrums
Teaching Social Skills and Emotion Management
My audio book entitled “Unraveling The Mystery Behind Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism”
The “Parenting Defiant Asperger's Teens” audio course
Access to me, Mark Hutten, M.A., as your personal parent coach
My 100%, Ironclad, "Better-Than-Risk-Free" Money Back Guarantee

I say "better-than-risk-free" because this whole package is yours to keep even in the unlikely event you decide to ask for a refund. If for any reason you aren't completely satisfied with your purchase, just contact me within 60 days (that's right – two months!), and I'll give you a 100% prompt and courteous refund... no questions asked! I’m the one taking the risk here – not you.

Whether you have big problems or small problems, whether you are a single parent, divorced or separated parent, adoptive parent, foster parent, step parent, a traditional two-parent family, or a grandparent raising a grandchild - this material is guaranteed to work.

I promise you that you will learn cut-to-the-chase parenting strategies that work immediately, rather than weeks, months – or even years down the road. The straightforward, step-by-step action plans presented in this program allow parents to take immediate steps toward preventing and intervening in their child’s negative emotions and choices.

Now you will have concrete prevention, identification, and intervention strategies for the most destructive of child behaviors. You will have the opportunity to experience success at home within the first week. And you will be able to cycle through programming quickly, thus reducing the length of time that (a) effective solutions in parenting are implemented and (b) resultant positive change in your child's behavior is experienced.

I’ve learned a lot in my 20+ years of working with families affected by autism spectrum disorders. And this counseling psychologist is putting all of his best tools in this one package that can now be yours.

I trust that you’ll take a step of faith here and get started with this on-line program today.

~ Mark Hutten, M.A.

==> Click here to get started

About the Author:

Mark Hutten, M.A. is the executive director of Online Parent Support, LLC. He is a parent-coach with more than 30 years’ experience. He has worked with hundreds of children and teenagers with Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism (HFA), and presents workshops and runs training courses for parents and professionals who deal with Aspergers and HFA. Also, Mark is a prolific author of articles and ebooks on the subject.

Contact Information:

Online Parent Support, LLC
2328 N 200 E Anderson, IN 46012
Phone: 765-810-331
Email: mbhutten@gmail.com

Testimonials :

"Mark. I just wanted to tell you that I have purchased so many Parenting programs for help with my son with Aspergers. While they do touch on related issues, they seem to operate on the principle that these kids are from the same mold and will all respond to the same forms of discipline. Your program is the first (and I think the last) one that has actually helped my situation. Thank you!!!" ~ D.H.

"Today I spoke to my son's former counselor (whom I was asking for a referral for another counseling, which I did before I found your program). I told her, 'I think I don't need it for now,' because I found your site. I gave her your site and told her to spread the word about your program, since her job deals with parents and kids of similar problems. Thanks for all the help!" ~ A.D.

"Thanks Mark. I have been very impressed with your advice and felt I should 'pay it forward' as we feel we are getting such extreme value for our money. As such, I sent your email address to the doctor who was 'trying' to help us. Our son was so extremely disrespectful during our visit with the doctor that he was exasperated at the end and told us there was nothing more he could do and so we should consider kicking him out at 18 and prior to that, send him to a home for 'raging' teens if his behaviour continued. I also note that our doctor has a Psychology degree. I know he has many cases such as ours, so I sent him your website to pass on to other parents who would benefit from this resource. Kindest regards!" ~ S.F.

"I just started your program, but I am already seeing an amazing and positive difference in my HFA daughter. We have struggled with her behavior since she was 9 months old. I was humbled and astounded to learn that I was a big part of the problem in the way that I was reacting to her. We actually have some peace in our home and she even hugs us and says 'I love you' on a regular basis. She has even begun apologizing for getting angry and being unreasonable. The next step is to help her bring her grades up and stay out of trouble at school. I have every confidence that we have turned a corner and I’m referring everyone I know to your program. Thank you!" ~ T.E.

"My Asperger child (high functioning) had been on medication for ADD for several years. It never seemed to help the way we hoped. His anger was out of control and most of the walls in our home had holes from him punching them. He was violent with his siblings and distant from us. I found your program while looking for a treatment facility to send him away to. I knew it was not safe for his brother and sister if he stayed in our home. About 2 and a half weeks into your program we were able to take him off the medication and he continued to improve. (His doctor insisted we were making a huge mistake and that medication was the only way to help him.) He is changing into a more confident self-controlled person thanks to your program. He used to scream at me how much he hated me. Now when he does not get his way he will yell, 'Why are you such a good parent???' He will try to sound angry, but he is letting me know he is happier with the way things are now. He is learning to diffuse tense situations as well. We have both become better people. Thank you for giving me my son back." ~ K. M.

==> More Testimonials...

Mark Hutten, M.A. - Social Networks:

==> Join my Facebook support group

==> Subscribe to my YouTube channel

==> Follow me on Pinterest

More Testimonials

"Nothing has helped as much as this common sense advice. We've been to counseling, read books, you name it. We can't even put into words what we owe you. Thank you so much for your help." ~ L.B.

"I have purchased your program ... just wanted to say how amazing your work is proving to be. I work in psychiatry but have struggled to discipline my son and to understand his behaviour. I have put in to practice the first week session and already it is working. Your insight into teenagers with Asperger syndrome is amazing... it was like you had written it all for my son and I. Thank you, a thousand times, thank you. I’ll keep you informed of J__’s progress." ~ T.J.

"I wanted to say thank you for all your support, sound advice, and speedy email responses. You were the only person I could speak with, and you helped me enormously. I will never forget your support Mark - when I was terrorised and totally overwhelmed, you gave me the strength and support from half way around the world that allowed me to do my very best for my asperger son. God bless you for your generosity of spirit and your great work." ~ V.T.

"I am so thankful and blessed I found your website. I am incorporating your suggestions into my life with my 15-year-old daughter on the spectrum – and things are going so much better. We are both trying and, though she still goes to counseling, I feel like I have tools to work with her now. Thanks a $$$million and God Bless You!" ~ J.P.

"I started using the language and skills suggested and WOW what a difference it's making already! My most defiant Aspie is being positive, kind and respectful to me. It's hard to change, but I'm convinced this is going to work for my family. I've learned that my actions have a direct effect on my child, and when I show him respect, I get it right back! Thank you so much for retraining me!!!" ~ M.H.

"I have seen such a change in myself and my son, it's amazing. Not that the problems are all gone, but simply by saying I'm not arguing and honoring that, even though I've said it before, surprised him (and me) and put an end to so many problems. It was like I was the MOM again. I guess just having the support of the program helped and knowing there were others out there with the same problems." ~ T. A.

"I just wanted to say THANK YOU. I was trawling the WWW at 02.30 for some help and found your sight and thought I would have a look. I sat in tears listening to you... it was like you had stepped into my home and seen the destruction, the tears became tears of relief that I could possibly make a change in my parenting that could help change my child's behaviour, and so I signed up. It has taken me 2 weeks to get though the first part of the program, but I have already seen tiny creaks for the better in all our behaviour." ~ E.B.

"Thank You Mark! Our prayers were answered with your program/ministry. We are gradually reclaiming control of our family. THANK YOU for bringing love, peace and harmony to our family once and for all this time. Yes there are still those idle complaints here and there and the occasional gnashing of teeth. But we have seen so many improvements in our special needs child since we, the parents, have changed our perspective and attitude." ~ R.W.

"I wanted to just take a minute to Thank You and to share my results thus far with my teen son (aspergers, high functioning) using your methods. We have been in counseling since February of this year and yesterday, we withdrew. In all these months, I never felt like we were making any permanent progress....just dancing around, two steps forward, one step back..etc. Since utilizing your strategies along with having our counselor as a sounding board, here are some of the things that have changed: arguments are fewer and less in intensity, a prevailing sense of peacefulness has come back into our home, my son has become more responsible, he has become more respectful towards me, I now have less "guilt" about saying "No" and less difficulty MEANING it, and there is no longer any question about who the parent is now. I can only hope and pray and continue to implement your strategies to see that he does move forward into his adult life in a more positive manner." ~ A.S.

"I am very glad to have you here working with us parents and "our" kids. I appreciate your insight and your "heart" for these kids. I just watched "Take the Lead", which is based on a true story about a man who made a commitment to teach ballroom dancing to inner city kids in New York who were in "detention" for the remainder of the school year. No one else would work with them. His message to them was simple: have enough confidence in yourself to lead; enough trust in yourself to follow; and to always show respect for others. Very powerful stuff. There are only a few of you around, Mark. Keep doing what you love - it shows." ~ K.H.

“During these past few weeks, my husband and I have been implementing many steps, successfully. Our Aspergers son has been completing his weekly chores with not much complaint. There haven't been any melt-downs around here, and the few irritable times we've had have been much less stressful. I hope it's still ok to email you from time to time to say hi and fill you in on our progress.” ~ T.P.

"My daughter simply couldn't understand her peers and did not socialize well at all. Unfortunately, she knew when she was being teased and became very hostile toward the teaser. Her retaliation often resulted in her having to leave the classroom and spend the rest of the morning in the "quiet room" all by herself. Fast forward... we have been working on "how to interject" and the SENSE method that you discuss in the material. These two skills alone have made just a big difference in her coping ability and level of empathy toward others." ~ M.K.

“I have fired the counselors, weaned my child off medications, and I am ready to begin the work of becoming a stronger, more focused parent. My soon to be ex-husband has also agreed to purchase the program and we intend on working it together to get our teen back on track. I thank you for your help and guidance.” ~ W.S.

"Glad I found these parenting skills. Wish I had known about it long before now. Would have saved us a lot of sleepless night." ~ B. F.

“I wanted to let you know how much I really appreciate your program. It is full of really practical and easy-to-use information to help parents with their Asperger’s and HFA children, and also the rest of the family. As a journalist, I know a thing or two about writing - and this is definitely put together and written very professionally.” ~ I.K.

"I wish my child's teachers would read your ebooks. Since I've been working with him, he does much better at home, but school is still an issue - mostly because his teachers don't get it." ~ N.W.

“In just one week of the course, I saw huge changes in my child with Aspergers Syndrome – and even the teacher noticed. He’s a happier person due to this program. Thank you… thank you …thank you!” ~ C.D.

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Excerpt from the Audio Book: “Unraveling The Mystery Behind Asperger's and High Functioning Autism”

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Special Considerations for Teens on the Autism Spectrum

Although Aspergers is at the milder end of the autism spectrum (i.e., high-functioning autism), the challenges parents face when disciplining a teenager with Aspergers are more difficult than they would be with an average teen. Complicated by defiant behavior, the Aspergers teen is at risk for even greater difficulties on multiple levels, unless the parents’ disciplinary techniques are tailored to their child's special needs.

The standard disciplinary techniques that are recommended for “typical” teenagers do not take into account the many issues facing a child with a neurological disorder. Violent rages, self-injury, isolation-seeking tendencies and communication problems that arise due to auditory and sensory issues are just some of the behaviors that parents of teens with Aspergers and HFA will have to learn to control.

Parents need to come up with a consistent disciplinary plan ahead of time, and then present a united front and continually review their strategies for potential changes and improvements as the Aspergers or HFA teen develops and matures.

Aspergers and HFA teens possess a unique set of attitudes and behaviors:

Social Skills— Social conventions are a confusing maze for teens with Aspergers and HFA. They can be disarmingly concise and to the point, and may take jokes and exaggerations literally. Because they struggle to interpret figures of speech and tones of voice that “neuro-typicals” naturally pick up on, they may have difficulty engaging in a two-way conversation. As a result, they may end up fixating on their own interests and ignoring the interests and opinions of others.

Sensory Difficulties— Teens with Aspergers and HFA can be extremely sensitive to loud noise, strong smells and bright lights. This can be a challenge in relationships as Aspergers and HFA teens may be limited in where they can go on, how well they can tolerate the environment, and how receptive they are to instruction from parents and teachers.

Routines and Fixations— Teens with Aspergers and HFA rely on routine to provide a sense of control and predictability in their lives. Another characteristic of the disorder is the development of special interests that are unusual in focus or intensity. These "special needs" teens may become so obsessed with their particular areas of interest that they get upset and angry when something or someone interrupts their schedule or activity.

Interpreting and Responding to Emotion— Teens with Aspergers and HFA often suffer from “mindblindness,” which means they have difficulty understanding the emotions others are trying to convey through facial expressions and body language. The problem isn’t that these teens can’t feel emotion, but that they have trouble expressing their own emotions and understanding the feelings of others. “Mindblindness” often give parents the impression that their Aspergers teen is insensitive, selfish and uncaring.

Awkwardness— Teens with Aspergers and HFA tend to be physically and socially awkward, which makes them a frequent target of school bullies. Low self-esteem caused by being rejected and outcast by peers often makes these teens even more susceptible to “acting-out” behaviors at home and school. Aspergers and HFA teens possess a unique set of attitudes and behaviors:

Due to the Aspergers/HFA-related attitudes and behaviors listed above, many teens may also experience the following associated problems:

Criminal Activity—Pain, loneliness and despair can lead to problems with drugs, sex and alcohol. In their overwhelming need to fit in and make friends, some Aspergers and HFA teens fall into the wrong high school crowds. “Average” teens who abuse substances will use the Aspergers/HFA teen's naivety to get him to buy or carry drugs and liquor for their group. If cornered by a police officer, an Aspergers/HFA teen usually does not have the skill to answer the officer's questions appropriately. For example, if the officer says, "Do you know how fast you were driving?" an Aspergers/HFA teen may reply bluntly, "Yes," and thus appears to be a smart-aleck.

Depression and Acting Out—The teenage years are more emotional for everyone. Yet the hormonal changes of adolescence coupled with the problems outlined above might mean that an Aspergers/HFA teen becomes emotionally overwhelmed. Childish tantrums reappear. Boys often act-out by physically attacking a teacher or peer. They may experience "meltdown" at home after another day filled with harassment, bullying, pressure to conform, and rejection. Suicide and drug addiction become real concerns, as the teen now has access to cars, drugs and alcohol. The “saddest and most difficult time” can overwhelm not only the Aspergers teen, but also his family.

Inability to "Be a Teen"—An Aspergers/HFA teen typically does not care about fads and clothing styles (concerns that obsess all others in their peer group). Aspergers/HFA teens may neglect their hygiene and wear the same haircut for years. Boys forget to shave; girls don't comb their hair or follow fashion. Some Aspergers/HFA teens remain stuck in a grammar school clothes and hobbies such as unicorns and Legos, instead of moving into adolescent concerns like FaceBook and dating. Aspergers and HFA boys often have no motor coordination. This leaves them out of high school sports, typically an essential area of male bonding and friendship.

School Failures—Many Aspergers and HFA teens with their average to above average IQs can sail through grammar school, and yet hit academic problems in middle and high school. They now have to deal with four to six teachers, instead of just one. The likelihood that at least one teacher will be indifferent or even hostile toward making special accommodations is certain. The teenaged Aspergers/HFA student now has to face a series of classroom environments with different classmates, odors, distractions and noise levels, and sets of expectations. Aspergers and HFA teens with their distractibility and difficulty organizing materials face similar academic problems as students with Attention Deficit Disorder. A high school term paper or a science fair project becomes impossible to manage because no one has taught the teen how to break it up into a series of small steps. Even though the academic stress on a "special needs" teen can be overwhelming, school administrators may be reluctant to enroll him in special education at this late point in his educational career.

Sexual Issues—Aspergers and HFA teens are not privy to street knowledge of sex and dating behaviors that other teens pick up naturally. This leaves them naive and clueless about sex. Boys can become obsessed with Internet pornography and masturbation. They can be overly forward with a girl who is merely being kind, and then later face charges of stalking her. An Aspergers/HFA girl may have a fully developed female body and no understanding of flirtation and non-verbal sexual cues, making her susceptible to harassment and even date rape.

Social Isolation—In the teenage world where everyone feels insecure, teens that appear different are voted off the island. Aspergers and HFA teens often have odd mannerisms. One "special needs" teen talks in a loud un-modulated voice, avoids eye contact, interrupts others, violates their physical space, and steers the conversation to her favorite odd topic. Another appears willful, selfish and aloof, mostly because he is unable to share his thoughts and feelings with others. Isolated and alone, many Aspergers and HFA teens are too anxious to initiate social contact. Many Aspergers and HFA teens are stiff and rule-oriented and act like little adults, which is a deadly trait in any teenage popularity contest. Friendship and all its nuances of reciprocity can be exhausting for an Aspergers teen, even though he wants it more than anything else. One teenager ended a close friendship with this note: "Your expectations exhaust me. The phone calls, the talks, all your feelings... it's just too much for me. I can't take it anymore" .....

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Excerpt: Teaching Social Skills and Emotion Management

Children with Aspergers (AS) and High-Functioning Autism (HFA) characteristically have very individual diagnostic profiles with symptoms falling in the areas of communication, socialization, and restricted interests. Most notable is the impairment in communication and social interaction, a far-reaching challenge which impacts daily activities and relationships at home, school and work.

Social problems typically occurring in AS and HFA children and teens include the following:

These children take things very literally. This may mean that it becomes difficult for them to follow a lot of what their peers are talking about.
Neurotypical peers may get the AS/HFA child into trouble because, while often bright in some subjects, he is gullible when it comes to social behavior.
Some children and teens on the autism spectrum learn that they have to ask a question to start a conversation, but then, instead of listening to the answer, they ask question after question, in effect drilling their peers and making them feel uncomfortable.
Their difficulties reading social cues cause them to irritate peers. Difficulties in reading social cues range from (a) trouble understanding the zones of personal space, causing them to stand too close to others, to (b) a lack of basic conversation skills.
They have passions, certain things that they focus on, but they may have a hard time talking about anything else, which is often annoying to peers.
They may not understand social banter, and so they become easy targets for bullying and teasing.

Social rejection has devastating effects in many areas of functioning. Because the AS or HFA child tends to internalize how others treat him, rejection damages self-esteem and often causes anxiety and depression. As the child feels worse about himself and becomes more anxious and depressed – he performs worse, socially and intellectually. Thus, the best treatment for these children and teens is, without a doubt, “social skills training.”

A major goal of social skills training is teaching the child about the verbal and nonverbal behaviors involved in social interactions. Unfortunately, many AS/HFA children and teens have never been taught such interpersonal skills such as "small talk" in social settings, the importance of good eye contact during a conversation, knowing when to speak – and when to listen, etc.

In addition, many of these children have not learned to "read" the many subtle cues contained in social interactions (e.g., how to tell when someone wants to change the topic of conversation or shift to another activity).

Social skills training can help AS and HFA children learn to interpret these and other social signals so that they can determine how to act appropriately in the company of others in a variety of different situations. Social skills training assumes that when children improve their social skills or change selected behaviors, they will raise their self-esteem and increase the likelihood that others will respond favorably to them. The child learns to change his “social behavior patterns” by practicing selected behaviors.

Successfully learning and generalizing of appropriate interactions requires lots of practice. Children on the spectrum often do not have the skills to initiate and sustain mutual relationships. They need to be explicitly taught the components of friendship or relationships.

Social skills are critical for long term success. Sometimes referred to as Emotional Intelligence, it is a combination of the ability to understand and manage one's own emotional state and the ability to understand and respond to other people. Although social skills include understanding and using social conventions, it also includes the ability to understand the "Hidden Curriculum," the ways in which peers communicate and interact, reciprocity and the ability to build interpersonal relationships.

Difficulty managing one's own emotional state, especially temper tantrums or aggression in response to frustration, is common in children with AS/HFA. Most of these children are less mature than their neurotypical peers, and may reflect less understanding of how to manage their own emotions.

Children with Autism Spectrum Disorders commonly have difficulty with emotional self-regulation and understanding emotion. Difficulty with social situations is a component of the diagnosis of Autism Spectrum Disorders, which reflects deficits in understanding and expression their own emotional states.

The ability to understand others' emotional states, wants and needs is critical not only for success in school, but also success in life. It is also a "quality of life" issue, which will help AS and HFA children build relationships, find happiness and succeed economically.....

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Excerpt: Black-and-White Thinking and Mindblindness

The obsessive-compulsive approach to life results in the narrow range of interests and insistence on set routines typical of an HFA or Asperger's youngster. However, it usually starts as a cognitive (thinking) issue before it becomes a behavioral one. Cognitive issues, such as the inability to take someone else's perspective (mindblindness) and the lack of cognitive flexibility (black-and-white thinking), cause many of the behaviors we see. We know there is a cognitive element by looking at the youngster's behaviors. There is always some distress, anxiety, or obsession manifested in every inappropriate behavior.

Your child's cognitive difficulties may lead to inaccurate interpretations and understanding of the world. How someone interprets a situation determines how he will respond to it. Many times the interpretation of an event is either not an accurate one or not one that leads to positive or prosocial actions. If the event can be reinterpreted for him, it might lead to a more productive outcome. In doing this, you must first try to understand how the child interprets a situation. All of the child's behaviors are filtered through his perception of the way the world works.....

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Excerpt: Obsessive-Compulsive Behaviors and Anxiety

Obsessive-compulsive issues, also referred to as rituals, rigidity, perseverations, rules, or black-and-white thinking, originate in the Asperger's child's difficulty understanding the world around him. This creates anxiety, the underlying cause for his obsessive-compulsive behaviors. You will see anxiety in many different ways, depending on how your child manifests it. Some kids will show it in obvious ways, such as crying, hiding under furniture, or clinging to you. Others show it by trying to control the situation and bossing people around. Some may hit or throw a tantrum. Some may act silly. No matter how your child displays his anxiety, you need to recognize that it is there and not assume it is due to some other cause such as attention seeking or just plain misbehavior.

Anxiety can occur for the smallest reason. Don't judge anxiety-producing situations by your own reaction to an event. Your child will be much more sensitive to situations than you will be, and often there will be no logical reason for his anxiety. Something that you would be anxious about causes no anxiety in your child, while a small event causes him to be quite anxious. When events change, he never knows what is going to come next and he becomes confused and upset, leading to some form of inappropriate behavior.

Your child's first reaction may be to try to reduce or eliminate his anxiety. He must do something, and one of the most effective means is to take all changes, uncertainty, and variability out of the equation. This can be accomplished by obsessions. If everything is done a certain way, if there is a definite and unbreakable rule for every event, and if everyone does as he wishes, everything will be fine. Anxiety is then diminished or reduced, and no upset, tantrums, or meltdowns occur.

Unfortunately, it is virtually impossible to do this in the real world. Nevertheless, anxiety needs to be dealt with in some manner. This is the first order of business in planning for many interventions. If you move ahead before this has been settled, it will continue to be a significant interfering factor.

Behavioral Manifestations of Anxiety—

Wanting things to go their way, when they want them to, no matter what anyone else may want. They may argue, throw a tantrum, ignore you, growl, refuse to yield, etc.
Tending to conserve energy and put forth the least effort they can, except with highly preferred activities.
Remaining in a fantasy world a good deal of the time and appearing unaware of events around them.
Reacting poorly to new events, transitions, or changes.
Preferring to do the same things over and over.
Lecturing others or engaging in a monologue rather than having a reciprocal conversation.
Intensely disliking loud noises and crowds.
Insisting on having things and/or events occur in a certain way.
Having trouble playing and socializing well with peers or avoiding socializing altogether. They prefer to be alone because others do not do things exactly as they do.
Having a narrow range of interests, and becoming fixated on certain topics and/or routines.
Eating a narrow range of foods.
Displaying a good deal of silly behaviors because they are anxious or do not know what to do in a situation.
Demonstrating unusual fears, anxiety, tantrums, and showing resistance to directions from others.
Demanding unrealistic perfection in their handwriting, or wanting to avoid doing any writing.
Creating their own set of rules for doing something.
Becoming easily overwhelmed and having difficulty calming down.....

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Excerpt: Preferred and Non-preferred Activities

For all HFA and Asperger's kids, life tends to be divided into two categories – preferred and non-preferred activities. Preferred activities are those things your child engages in frequently and with great intensity. He seeks them out without any external motivation. However, not all of his preferred activities are equal. Some are much more highly desired and prized. An activity that is lower on the list can never be used as a motivator for one that is higher. For example, you cannot get him to substitute his video game playing by offering a food reward if the game playing is higher on his list.

Any activity that is not preferred can be considered non-preferred. They are less desirable and many are avoided. The lower they are on the list of desirability, the more he will resist or avoid doing them. Sometimes an activity or task becomes non-preferred because it is made to compete with one that is much more highly valued. For example, taking a bath could be enjoyable, but if your child is reading, and reading is higher on his list, he will resist or throw a tantrum.

Preferred and non-preferred activities are always problem areas. Your child will always want to engage in preferred activities even when you have something more important for him to do. He does not want to end preferred activities and your attempts to have him end them can produce upset of one kind or another. On the other hand, trying to get him to do non-preferred activities, such as interacting socially, can also be difficult. If many non-preferred elements are combined together, the problem can become a nightmare, such as with homework.

The high-functioning autistic youngster rarely has activities he just likes. He tends to either love or hate an activity. The middle ground is usually missing. Teaching a middle ground or shades of gray can be a goal and will be discussed later. Also, as you try to teach him something new, you will encounter resistance because you are asking him to do something that's not a preferred activity. But, as he outgrows younger interests, he will need to learn new ones in order to have some common interests with his peers. He needs to experience new things to see if he likes them, but may not want to do this just because you're asking him to do something new. He already has his list of preferred interests and will rarely see the need for anything new. Quite often, his preferred list will include computer or video games. However, the more he is on the computer or the more he plays video games, the less available he is to be in the real world and learn something new. Most likely, you will have to control his access to preferred activities if new ones are to be introduced.....

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Excerpt: Not Understanding How the World Works

Your HFA or Asperger's child has a neuro-cognitive disorder that affects many areas of functioning. This includes a difficulty with the basic understanding of the rules of society, especially if they are not obvious. Life has many of these rules. Some are written, some are spoken, and some are learned through observation and intuition. Your child only knows what has been directly taught to him through books, movies, TV shows, the Internet, and explicit instructions. He is not able to sit in a room, observe what is happening, and understand social cues, implied directions, or how to "read between the lines," and as he is growing up, he does not learn how to do this. Instead, he learns facts. He does not "take in" what is happening around him that involves the rest of the world, only what directly impacts him.

Many of the conversations he has had have generally been about knowledge and facts, not about feelings, opinions, and interactions. As a result, he does not really know how the world works and what one is supposed to do in various situations. This can apply to even the smallest situations you might take for granted. Not knowing the unspoken rules of situations causes anxiety and upset. This leads to many of the behavioral issues that appear as the youngster tries to impose his own sense of order on a world he doesn't understand.

The HFA or Asperger's youngster creates his own set of rules for everyday functioning to keep things from changing and thereby minimize his anxiety. Sometimes, he just makes up the rules when it is convenient. Other times, he attempts to make them up by looking for patterns, rules, or the logic of a situation to make it less chaotic for him and more predictable and understandable. If there are no rules for an event or situation, he will create them from his own experiences based on what he has read, seen, or heard. He will often have a great deal of information to use in reaching his conclusions and forming his opinions and feelings. As a result, some of his conclusions are correct and some are wrong.

He will rarely consider someone else's point of view if he does not consider them to be an "expert." The fewer people he sees as experts, the more behavioral difficulty you will see. He might consider teachers and others to be experts, but his moms and dads will rarely be seen as such. Therefore, he will argue with you about your opinions if different from his own. He thinks that his opinion is as good as yours, so he chooses his. This represents his rigid thinking. He finds it difficult to be flexible and consider alternate views, especially if he has already reached a conclusion. New ideas can be difficult to accept ("I'd rather do it the way I've always done it"). Being forced to think differently can cause a lot of anxiety.

You must never overestimate your youngster's understanding of a situation because of his high intellectual ability or his other strengths. He is an individual who needs to figure out how the world works. He needs a road map and the set of instructions, one example at a time.

Frames of Reference—

In trying to understand how the world works, your child tries to make sense of your explanations, but sometimes is not able to do this. As a result, your effort at intervening falls short. This can occur because your explanation has no meaning. Each HFA or Asperger's youngster can only understand things for which they have a frame of reference, meaning they have a picture or idea about this from other sources or from prior discussions. They cannot understand what you will tell them without this frame of reference. For example, when I asked a very bright teenage boy on the spectrum if he missed his mom and dad when he was at overnight camp for a week, he replied that it was not all that long. When I asked him again if he missed them, he said he could e-mail them whenever he wanted. After my third attempt to get an answer he finally said to me, "I can't answer that question. Since I have never missed anyone before, I have nothing against which I can compare my feelings to know what missing feels like".....

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Excerpt: Understanding the Behavioral Problems Associated with High-Functioning Autism and Asperger's

Parents need to understand what their HFA or Asperger's child is thinking, how he interprets what is going on, and how his deficits cause problems before you can begin any intervention strategy. Do not rush into action until you have collected enough information and analyzed what is going on. If you do not know the reasons behind the behavior, you may very likely do the wrong thing. If you know what is going on, you can make a big difference.

To help you determine the reasons why your child acts the way he does, you should ask yourself the following questions:

Is he stuck on an idea and can't let it go? (He does not know how to let go and move on when there is a problem.)
Is he misunderstanding what is happening and assuming something that isn't true? (Misinterpretation)
Is he expecting perfection in himself? (Black-and-white thinking)
Is he exaggerating the importance of an event? There are no small events, everything that goes wrong is a catastrophe. (Black-and-white thinking)
Is he blaming you for something that is beyond your control? (He feels that you must solve the problem for him even when it involves issues you have no control over.)
Has he made a rule that can't be followed? (He sees only one way to solve a problem; he cannot see alternatives.)
Does he see only two choices to a situation rather than many options? (Black-and-white thinking)
Does he need to be taught a better way to deal with a problem? (He does not understand the way the world works.)
Because a situation was one way the first time, does he feel it has to be that way always? (Being rule bound.)

Realizing that your child will not be a good observer of his behavior is your first step. The HFA or Asperger's youngster often does not know what to do in a situation. He does not know the appropriate behavior because he doesn't understand how the world works. Or, if he knows a better solution, he can’t use it because he becomes "stuck."

Not knowing what to do - or being unable to do what is appropriate - results in anxiety that leads to additional ineffective and inappropriate actions. High-functioning autistic behavior is usually a result of this anxiety, which leads to difficulty moving on and letting go of an issue and "getting stuck" on something. This is rigidity, and it is the most common reason for behavioral problems. You must deal with rigidity and replace it with flexibility early on in your plan to help your child. Flexibility is a skill that can be taught, and you will need to make this a major part of your efforts to help him.

Understanding your child involves knowing the autistic characteristics and how they manifest themselves in everyday behaviors. How does your child see the world, think about matters, and react to what is going on around him? The following reasons will help you understand why he acts the way he does:

Reasons for Rigidity—

Transitioning from one activity to another. This is usually a problem because it may mean ending an activity before he is finished with it.
The need to engage in or continue a preferred activity, usually an obsessive action or fantasy.
The need to control a situation.
The need to avoid or escape from a non-preferred activity, often something difficult or undesirable. Often, if your child cannot be perfect, he does not want to engage in an activity.
Other internal issues, such as sensory, inattention (ADHD), oppositional tendency (ODD), or other psychiatric issues may also be causes of behavior.
Lack of knowledge about how something is done. By not knowing how the world works with regard to specific situations and events, the autistic youngster will act inappropriately instead.
Immediate gratification of a need.
Anxiety about a current or upcoming event, no matter how trivial it might appear to you.
A violation of a rule or ritual – changing something from the way it is supposed to be. Someone is violating a rule and this is unacceptable to the youngster.
A misunderstanding or misinterpretation of another's action.....

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